I'm sitting here in my room and well I'm feeling a lot of emotions right now. They're just swirling in my brain, going around and around and around.
The first emotion is excitement: I'm excited because I get to go home after 111 days, 3 1/2 months of being away from everyone I love. Saturday I get to hug Shaun for the first time in forever, I get to see Wicked- one of my favorite musicals/plays ever, I get to eat Panda express (the Chinese food here is awful). The day after that I'm get a cat, doing a little bit of shopping, wrapping some Christmas gifts, and hopefully seeing my parents/sister. If not Ill see them as soon as I can. Then there's the holidays and it's just going to be an amazing few weeks back home. I don't even think Ill experience reverse cultural shock until New Years is over.
The second emotion is sadness: I love Ireland. I had always dreamed of going here, and I fell completely in love with it. I love it more than I love the states. I love the scenery, and I'm going to miss it. Illinois doesn't really have much to look at I'm afraid. While some of the times I got aggravated with roommates, I really am going to miss them and all the other people I've become friends with. I've learned so much about this culture and even some about other cultures, and well I'm not looking forward to going back to the states and being stuck in the "American bubble" which will happen, because America is so fast paced there's no time to stop and look around us and appreciate what we have.
The third emotion is awe: I cannot believe so much time has already passed. It feels like yesterday when I arrived and started the overwhelming process of settling in and learning everything I need to do. Looking back its almost to silly to have felt that overwhelmed, as in reality everything I had to do was pretty easy, and it all worked out. But seriously it went so fast that I'm almost shocked that it's really time to leave. It's surreal!
The fourth emotion is appreciation: I owe a huge thanks to so many people. First and foremost to my parents. They shaped me to be who I am today. They shaped me to be the girl who sees what she wants, creates those dreams, and then goes for them. They taught me not to sit around and wait for life to happen, because it doesn't. You have to go out and make it happen and that's exactly what I did. I don't just mean with Ireland alone, but for all the band trips and Costa Rica as well. I would not have accomplished what I have today without them, and I will never be able to thank them enough for it. While like most kids I've gotten mad and upset and just thought you guys were wrong at times, just know that I really am grateful for everything you've done. I may not have gotten all the materialistic things I've wanted, but you guys gave me much more than most parents give their children, and that's ambition, kindness, and respect, among other things.
And to everyone else I want to thank you to. To the people who gave me money, to the people who have followed along with my pictures and my blog, to the people who have supported me and encouraged me. I also have to thank NCC, because well the study abroad experiences wouldn't have been possible without them either.
The fifth emotion is feeling lost: Ireland has been my dream since I was a little girl. It's been the place I've always said "I'll get there one day. I don't know when, but I will" and now that I've accomplished that dream I'm not exactly sure what's next. Sure I'll finish college, get a job, all that normal dream stuff. But now I have to find a new dream, one that's bigger than the normal dream of life and happiness. One that keeps me focused and motivated day to day. And well that's a huge thing to think of, and right now I have no clue what my next dream is going to be, and it makes me feel a little lost. I've never been without a huge dream that seems almost impossible. At this point nothing seems impossible at all, and well that takes the fun out of having a dream.
So as you can see Study Abroad has a lot more to it than just going places and going to school. It has a lot more emotions involved, and it's quite the eye opener, only I won't even really know how big of an eye opener it was until I get back to the states and have to suddenly conform to the American ways again. So my emotions are far from over, in fact they're really just beginning. But what I'd really like to do now is just go through some of my favorite and most memorable moments, and some important lessons here in Ireland:
I think this was really the moment it hit me that I was actually in Ireland. It was the first trip I had gone on, and it was the first weekend I had been in Ireland. It was also the first time I had gotten to take a breath and relax after a hectic first week of orientation and being loaded with all this information that made me feel like I had made the wrong choice in coming here.
But at the Cliffs I had the first sense of amazement that I was really in the place I had dreamed about for so long. The beauty of the Cliffs was breathtaking. It was so green, and the ocean so calming. I couldn't believe that a place like this actually existed, and that I was physically there. I couldn't believe that the photos I was taking were my photos. It was that clarifying moment that everything had worked out, and that this was going to be an amazing experience.
I have a fascination with waterfalls. I absolutely love them, but having seen so many waterfalls in Costa Rica I wasn't expecting to be all that impressed with this one. I surely thought that a waterfall in the tropics would be more impressive than one in Ireland. I had almost formed the impression that once you had seen one you had seen them all. I'm not sure why I had that impression, as it's really not true. I guess I just felt like I knew all and couldn't be surprised by anything anymore.
I was wrong. In fact this waterfall took my breath away. The way it cascaded down the rocks was nothing like I had seen in Costa Rica at all, and this was really the moment that I realized beauty is found in many different ways. I realized that every waterfall is slightly different, I realized that no matter how many time you may have thought you've seen something or experienced something nothing is exactly the same. There is always going to be something new to appreciate.
I admit I was terrified of kissing the stone. I mean look at what you have to do to kiss it. But while I didn't have a moment of clarity, and I was relieved when it was over, it was still a moment in which I did something I was afraid to do. It was still a moment I'll look back and be able to tell people that I did it. It will not be a moment I'll look back on and regret that I didn't take it. So lesson here: do the things you're afraid to do, because it will always be worth it.
This is a picture from The Giants Causeway, which is one of the places we went to on the Belfast trip. I'm generalizing this trip, because there were a lot of things on the trip that were awful and that I hated. I was glad for it to be over, and I had wished I had gone on my own, but in reality if I hadn't gone on this trip I wouldn't have gone to Belfast at all. So looking back on it now, it really teaches me to take the good with bad. Because despite being tired all the time, and having some real annoyances, I wouldn't have seen such a beautiful place such as the place in the picture, or I wouldn't have stood where they built the titanic, if I hadn't of gone. The good almost always overlooks the bad.
This trip was really a moment of Independence for me. Yeah I had to be independent in Costa Rica and here, but this was the first trip I had planned entirely by myself, and when I got a little lost trying to find the hostel I had to use maps (which I'm bad at reading at times) and get over my anxiety to talking to strangers or people I don't really know to ask for directions. So really after all that I realized I could really do anything if I set my mind to it, and focus.
This was just another place that made me feel lucky to be here. No lesson. No big moment. I just took in the beauty of this place, because you don't see things like this in the states. So I felt blessed to have the opportunity.
so again thank you all for following along :) I will have at least one more blog in a couple of weeks when I start school at NCC, all about reverse culture shock, because while I may not be in Ireland any longer it is still part of the study abroad experience!
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